Feedback That Lands

Scenario

Example team: an engineer, Tom, regularly interrupts others in design discussions. The team lead mentions it once, vaguely, in a performance review six months later: "you could work on collaboration". Tom is surprised and defensive; nothing changes.

What you see on the team

• Feedback saved for performance reviews.
• Vague comments ("be more proactive", "great job") that people can't act on.
• Corrective feedback avoided until frustration builds up.
• Quieter engineers stop speaking in design discussions.

The common mistake

Giving feedback late, vague and only in formal settings — or avoiding it because it feels uncomfortable.

Why it happens

Corrective feedback risks conflict and feels unkind, so it's postponed. Positive feedback feels unnecessary ("they know they're good"). Without a simple structure, feedback becomes a judgement about the person rather than a description of behaviour. Kim Scott's Radical Candor frames the goal as caring personally and challenging directly at the same time — silence or sugar-coating is a failure of care, not kindness.

The playbook

Use Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI), a model from the Center for Creative Leadership (SBI):

Situation: "In Tuesday's design review for the refund API..."
Behavior:  "...you interrupted Ana three times while she was explaining her approach."
Impact:    "She stopped presenting, and we didn't hear her concern about the retry logic
            until after the meeting."
Then ask:  "What was going on for you?" (intent)

Be timely: within a day or two, privately for corrective feedback.

Be specific and observable: what you saw or heard, not interpretations ("you don't respect people").

Give positive feedback the same way, often — it tells people what to keep doing: "In the incident yesterday, you posted updates every 30 minutes; support said it was the first time they didn't have to chase us."

Ask for their perspective — you may be missing context.

Agree on a next step, then notice and acknowledge the change.

Invite feedback on yourself regularly, with specific questions, and thank people for it.

What to say

Corrective feedback, privately, the same day:

"Can I give you some feedback about this morning's design review? When Ana was explaining her approach, you interrupted her three times. She stopped presenting, and we only heard her retry concern afterwards. What was going on from your side?"

Positive feedback:

"Your migration write-up was excellent — the rollback section answered every question finance had. That's exactly the level of detail I'd like on the next one."

Trade-offs

• Immediate feedback is most useful, but not in front of others or when emotions are high; wait a few hours if needed.
• Too much corrective feedback without positive feedback feels like criticism; aim for a clear majority of positive, specific feedback.
• SBI can sound scripted; use it as a structure, in your own words.

Signals it's working

• Feedback happens weekly, not twice a year.
• Performance reviews contain no surprises.
• Engineers give each other specific feedback, not only through the lead.
• People ask you for feedback and give you some.

Key points

• Give feedback early, specifically and privately for corrective topics.
• Use Situation-Behavior-Impact, then ask about intent.
• Give specific positive feedback often — it shows what to keep doing.
• Make feedback two-way; ask for feedback on yourself.